Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
