Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
