i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
