That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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