My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you inspire me to be a worse person
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming