Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.

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(773): I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch. http://tfl.nu/99z3

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.

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(403): She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse. http://tfl.nu/lj3p

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(404): View more from Georgia

Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?

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(404): Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them? http://tfl.nu/hlb3

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(712): View more from Iowa

I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.

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(712): I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good. http://tfl.nu/eno8

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.

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(321): Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day. http://tfl.nu/o792

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(905): View more from Toronto

I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??

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(905): I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet?? http://tfl.nu/qgms

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(406): View more from Montana

As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.

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(406): As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network. http://tfl.nu/cww0

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(973): View more from New Jersey

hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination

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(973): hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination http://tfl.nu/nh5d

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(408): View more from California

My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?

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(408): My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know? http://tfl.nu/68pr

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(314): View more from Missouri

Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.

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(314): Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them. http://tfl.nu/ibul

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(512): View more from Texas

I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."

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(512): I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy." http://tfl.nu/udmr

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(719): View more from Colorado

the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.

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(719): the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand. http://tfl.nu/ekbv

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(518): View more from New York

I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.

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(518): I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk. http://tfl.nu/wd6k

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(319): View more from Iowa

I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.

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(319): I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video. http://tfl.nu/l44k

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(513): View more from Ohio

I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that

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(513): I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that http://tfl.nu/zzq0

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