Texts From Last Night

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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I thought she had blonde hair

  (302): View more from Delaware

  No, Gonorrhea actually

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  (610): I thought she had blonde hair (302): No, Gonorrhea actually http://tfl.nu/3gym
  Replies (6) Good night (767) Bad night (1776)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...

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  (405): I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ... http://tfl.nu/68st
  Replies (16) Good night (3377) Bad night (728)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."

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  (605): i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here." http://tfl.nu/dk13
  Replies (20) Good night (9232) Bad night (1928)
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  (516): View more from New York

  i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.

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  (516): i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me. http://tfl.nu/fl66
  Replies (9) Good night (2763) Bad night (1062)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.

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  (845): Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes. http://tfl.nu/h1wx
  Replies (2) Good night (2837) Bad night (987)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.

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  (970): I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat. http://tfl.nu/yfuv
  Replies (13) Good night (2331) Bad night (1327)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics

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  (727): its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics http://tfl.nu/k6wq
  Replies (22) Good night (4269) Bad night (1085)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case

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  (917): My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case http://tfl.nu/1awx
  Replies (3) Good night (1908) Bad night (762)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying

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  (515): nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying http://tfl.nu/wg7d
  Replies (3) Good night (1739) Bad night (719)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Drunk ass.

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  (715): apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus (651): Drunk ass. http://tfl.nu/f50c
  Replies (3) Good night (653) Bad night (444)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...

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  (207): I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am... http://tfl.nu/bw14
  Replies (4) Good night (699) Bad night (515)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.

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  (336): We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette. http://tfl.nu/ba64
  Replies (7) Good night (452) Bad night (714)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.

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  (978): I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher. http://tfl.nu/db58
  Replies (4) Good night (442) Bad night (260)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.

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  (307): I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this. http://tfl.nu/8dvi
  Replies (1) Good night (415) Bad night (206)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!

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  (860): Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night! http://tfl.nu/a6dm
  Replies (1) Good night (120) Bad night (362)

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