Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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