I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
this is an emotional support booty call
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
