Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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