It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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