be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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