You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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