note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
