I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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