That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
