I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
