I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
