Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize