I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
my shit smells like andre
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
