chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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