i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Randomize
