My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
