I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
