it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
