If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
