We're facebook friends in real life
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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