Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
