I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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