if i can run in heels then i can drive
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
