Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
