Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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