Whatcha textin bout Willis?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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