U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
