I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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