you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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