Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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