LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
