I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
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He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
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Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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