so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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