The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
