You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
