I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
