fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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