During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
