My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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