Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
