Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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