I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
