Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
