Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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