I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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