he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
