I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
