Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
