I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
