It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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