Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
