I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The adults are the big ones right?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
