he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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