Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
