also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize