I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
