NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
